After all this time, we’re family – but I don’t get you. And I hate it.
You’ve made her happy for years. I’m grateful but won’t ever understand.
Some of the questions you ask me, I’m like: “The fuck?! Are we related?”
Sugar based diets rot your teeth. Switch to Splenda, still a goddamn lie.
Sugar-cubed my life for you. You can’t take it black. I can’t take it back.
You guys are better than cereal, but today I’m the Special K! My family made me haiku book for my birthday – a spoof off of my book Haiku to Fall in Love to ❤ ❤ them so much
I’ve done so much, yet you just want to talk about why I’m not married.
So many of us lost loved ones this year. It’s an unfortunate club.
Self-preservation: The changes we make despite the pain we inflict.
I don’t bother with people so their opinions rarely bother me.